Uncle "Ice"

Uncle "Ice"

by John Keller

Life Imitates Art

Life often imitates art and visa versa; this is undoubtedly the case when it comes to my friendship with my late friend Lou, known as the "Iceman" or "Icepop," and as Jenna, my daughter, referred to him as "Uncle Ice." Last year, my friend, without any warning or any known health issues, passed away on September 18. Since last year, I find myself looking out the window for him to show up. We loved how Lou, without warning, showed up at my house and hung out for hours. On his last visit to my house, Lou and Jenna spent quite some time on the piano with her, teaching him all sorts of things about the piano and music. 

"I Feel the Need..."

There are many great memories. We camped out on the Island on my 50th birthday (with Jenna), and that is when I learned how over the top he was when it came to camping and the outdoors. I learned about his secret Italian camp treat, the BBQ pepperoni. One of the great things about Lou is that he loved adventure, especially on the water. I have many videos and pictures of us sailing my 18' Dart catamaran. Not anyone can go sailing on that thing; there is a level of trust needed; it is a high-performance boat that only weighs 350 pounds, so skill, and diligence, especially paying attention to detail, are very important; that boat is fast, he knew it, and I knew it. Nearly every single time (from the first time we took the boat out), I would call or text and say, "I feel the need..." and he would inevitably answer, "...the need for speed!" That is a quote between Maverick and Goose in the movie TOP Gun. With that phrase, we both knew a sailing day was imminent. Because we loved sailing fast, Lou started calling me "Maverick" because of my personality; I am not a conformist. Subsequently, I didn't want to call him Goose because Goose dies... let that sink in. So I started calling him "Iceman." I told him one day I couldn't be Maverick, so he started calling me "Viper" or "Vipe" for short

 

For the past several years, before COVID, Lou and I kept waiting for the release date of Top Gun Maverick; we knew we had to see it, especially since I am a Navy veteran and the only sea time I ever had was crossing the Atlantic Ocean on the USS Nimitz. Every year on Memorial Day, Lou understood intuitively that Memorial Day isn't a day to celebrate; it is a day for reverent gratefulness. We had sailed several times on Memorial Day; on Memorial Day 2022, we set the plans: let's go sailing and see the new movie Top Gun that was just released. 

Memorial Day

On Memorial Day 2022, the water was a very light chop, so there was barely any wind; for the first time, we launched the Dart 18 on the Causeway at Green Key. That day was an unusual and long high tide, making it possible for us. After launching, we first sailed over to Durney Key, swam a bit, and then headed south/west to the north side of Anclote Island. The water was aqua blue, and there were hundreds of power boats; as we approached the Island, we were the only sailboat visible in any direction. We sailed around the other boats like a boss and beached the cat on the north end. People stood up and suddenly came running over like we landed an airplane or something. Lou was beaming from pride, stoically, of course. There were some small sharks where we came in, so we naturally grabbed our masks to swim with them. Lou says, "There is a shark right there, right in front of me..." Then he grins and says, "Don't tell Nancy..." Classic Lou, not wanting to worry his wife. On the miles of sailing back, he was at the helm; in light air, there was no danger of capsize, so he just was a natural; he did an amazing job, and we made it back, trailered the boat, went home, and met at the theatre that evening to watch Top Gun Maverick. We were like two teenagers watching that movie; during the sailing scene, Lou looked at me and gave the biggest smile ever... 

Don't Die On Me...

Life is so weird because the movie's character who plays "Iceman" dies. I looked at him and said, "Don't die on me, man..." He told me to "shut up and watch the movie..." It gets even weirder; in the movie's final scene, Maverick and Rooster (Goose's son) are about to land on the aircraft carrier, having survived an impossible mission. Still, they have no nose gear and cannot use the tail hook; they lost an engine, so they get only one shot to land the Tomcat. Remember when I said that life imitates art? The reason Memorial Day is a day I do not celebrate, but remember, it is Ranger 12. 

On January 25, 1987, the Nimitz deck crew rigged a barricade, hoping to land the plane, especially after five failed attempts and a failed refueling. On that fateful night, all 7 of the crew of Ranger 12 did not make it; the report stated, "the front wheels caught the top of the net, snatching her nose first from the sky, and in a shower of sparks the jet skidded down the deck, twisting in a long metal-on-metal scream toward the ship's edge. It was a 60-foot drop to the sea. Ranger 12 broke in half and disappeared." That is the final scene in Top Gun Maverick; in the movie, they make it. In real life, all seven of the crew were lost at sea. Many of you will remember the date; it was the first anniversary of the Challenger accident. I will never forget January 1987. For the crew, our shipmates were lost at sea.

Meanwhile, I came back to Tampa after my TAD on the Nimitz just days after the loss with no acknowledgment, nothing. I never saw any acknowledgment until just a few years ago when the "They served in silence" memorial was created at the NSA. Ranger 12 shipmates are on the right column. 

Fast forward to Memorial Day 2022, I sat there in the theatre fighting back tears. "It worked..." Lou didn't say anything out of respect, but my wingman understood. I just witnessed a barricade work for the first time, even if it was in a fictional movie. The Roosevelt where that movie filmed that landing is the sister ship to the Nimitz; I still have the cap I got from another shipmate and childhood friend, Shawn, who was on board the ship when the crew was lost. Shawn was in VF84; he is the one who sent me the video from Hard Copy years later about the "incident." Shawn's entire squadron were and are all Top Gun pilots. The ending credits and final scene of the movie featured the song "Hold My Hand..." by Lady Gaga; it was the perfect song for the film and a profound memory I have of my spiritual wingman's final moments.  

September 18, 2022. At 10 pm, I witnessed the final scene of my friend's life. His daughter held his hand, representing everyone there that night: her sister, mom, family, and friends. She held his hand, with a Marine sentry, Lou's closest and longest friend Tom, and me on the guitar; she held his hand right till the moment he left this world for the next. 

Lou's passing triggered something in me I did not know I had been experiencing for a long, long time, survivor's guilt. Since then, I have done something about it; as I said, I have been going to the VA for it, and it has been helping. My survivor's guilt apparently is the procuring cause of a lot of anxiety I didn't even realize I was experiencing. Here is a newsflash: you don't become morbidly obese just because you eat too much; what I have learned is that anxiety and hunger are the same feelings. I concluded from my friend's loss and all the other losses I must not allow my survivor's guilt to destroy my life. I must care for myself like I cared for others; not caring for myself is a slap in the face to all I mourn. 

Hold My Hand

Tonight, I will do a little Top Gun Tribute to the Iceman. I am not telling anyone there; only those who read this will know. I have been playing black Friday for years at the Oasis coffee shop. I always play a Christmas set on guitar, and Lou would video it, of course. This year, I will highlight my set with "Hold my hand" to honor the memory of my brother from another mother and spiritual wingman, the Iceman. 

Maybe soon, not sure when I will be able to take the boat out again, as Goose' widow said to Maverick, "God, he loved flying with you Maverick. But he would've done it anyway... without you. He'd have hated it, but he would've done it."