Jesus gave us the most important commandment to love. Love God, love Him, love one another, love our neighbor, love our enemies. Why is such a seemingly essential commandment so impossible to follow?
When I was a child, I had several painful experiences, even childhood traumas, one of which was when my parents divorced. Suddenly, I went from the security of a family of six to living briefly with just me and my mom, she was an absentee alcoholic who took me to live with her friend from work, my mom justified her actions accusing my dad of being abusive only to move me to share a room with a boy older than me who was indeed an abusive bully, within days of sharing a room with him he broke any toys I had destroying anything that resembled what was left of my childhood innocence.
I know now that my mom's own childhood trauma probably had something to do with her leaving my dad, my dad was not abusive, even if he was not perfect. It is incredible what a person will say about their spouse to justify their selfishness, I never knew as a child my mom was having an affair, my dad never bad mouthed her. For quite some time, I remember praying and begging God for them to reunite. During all this, my mom seized the opportunity, one sister went off to college, the other got married and moved to Calfornia, then there was my brother, he would just disappear for periods. Within a year he would leave permanently, I always trailed behind him as a child, however, from then on, I always felt like I was alone, that feeling was not irrational, I was on my own.
Within a few months, my sister came back from college, having dropped out. I am sure it was from the lack of any support from my parents even though she never would bad mouth either one of them. I often think about all the viewpoints of my older siblings during all this, when she came back, she saw I was all alone, she knew no-one was paying any attention to me. During this period, I skipped 45 days of elementary school, she is the one that figured it out, not my dad or mom. She understood the problem came up with a plan even though she was still a teenager herself. Memories start coming back sometimes, I remember my sister talking about some guy my mom was having an affair with as we drove to a pet store. (I did not realize this until many years later). That day, my sister bought me a little black kitten that became my best friend in the world. I named the kitten Benjamin Franklin after the bear on Grizzly Adams, I called her Ben.
My sister brought back a small portion of my childhood innocence that day, I will always love her for that, she has done the same thing for my children as well. In all fairness, both my sisters, neither having children, have done things like that. My other sister surprised me for my oldest son's fifth birthday giving a puppet show. I would put that performance right there with Fred Rogers, not even kidding. Childhood innocence is a precious commodity, anyone who protects it is of the highest moral character in any society, anyone who would destroy it, that person is the perpetrator of the lowest evil, add selfishness to the reason for stealing childhood innocence. I am not even kidding when I say I believe hell is justified as a place of eternal damnation.
When you are a child and your two love languages are quality time and words of affirmation, it is challenging to realize the true reasons you feel so empty all the time. The year my parents split my teacher suddenly passed away, she had a brain tumor, as crazy as it sounds, my parents never even knew, welcome to the parenting styles of the 1970s. I felt fear, I felt very empty, the only thing I had to cling to was my kitten Ben, who was my friend, she gave me back a small part of my childhood innocence. However, a couple of years later, some boys cornered her in a shed and killed her for fun, I guess they just didn't have anyone to bully that day. I only found out because she disappeared, and I heard them talking about the cat they cornered and killed, laughing all the while celebrating their derangement. I am sure these same boys 150 years early would have been doing the same thing to slave children if they had the chance, evil, just pure psychopathic evil, the reason a Just God made hell.
So why hated? Because our love banks are often purposely drained by those who should be filling them, at the very least, if they are not going to make a deposit, do not take from someone else. For me, I never believed God loved me as a child, not for a second. There were many reasons why, for instance, the opposite of love is not really hated, it is apathy, being ignored. I see it in neglected children, especially the outcast, the handicapped, the poor, the ones who are overweight, they are ignored, no one cares what they have to say, even asks how they feel. So, when the human heart is neglected, especially when it believes God is ignoring them, they find the very notion of a loving God a delusion of the elite. My own life, as a child, I thought if God loved me, why did my mom leave, my brother, disappear, why didn't he protect me from bullies or even my little black cat Ben?
By the time I was in my teenage years, that empty closed off soul became full of only one feeling I can only describe as a lonely longing, my love bank was overdrawn and account closed. No one was making deposits, after all, the reality is, even if they tried, the account was so overdrawn it never covered the emotional over-draft fees. After a while, you not only do not experience love, you begin to do the worst possible thing you can, you start to hate your life, even hating yourself. There is an interesting phenomenon that occurs during all this, you gravitate, you are pulled to people who are just like you, broken, empty, and a bond is formed, all be it, a bond of likeminded nieve fools who are on the sure path of destruction. I remember, at age thirteen, smoking my first joint, I didn't even hesitate. It wasn't that I felt secure with these boys, it was like why a person cuts themselves, just to change the negative feelings, in my situation, I just didn't want to be ignored. As a teen, I ran away all the time, would pack a backpack and go off, it is incredible nothing terrible happened. I had a secret place in the woods where I could watch our house from, my dad would never even go looking for me, I know I created those negative thoughts, my dad probably thought I was playing army.
Now for the really disturbing part of all this, my parents were saved born-again church-attending Christians. I do not for a second doubt their salvation, both are in heaven now, I do not even doubt they loved me, I know they did, what I know even more as a parent now? Their own childhood innocence was stolen away, my dad overcame, my mother did not. It wasn't until my mom had a grandchild did she change. She quit drinking because I, in no uncertain terms, informed her she would never see her grandchild if she did not stop drinking.
As a parent myself, all my greatest regrets are repeating the same stupid patterns, even though I am hailed as a good dad, and even though my kids seem well adjusted, I know they feel loved by me, the truth is, all of them had some part of their childhood innocence stolen away from them, I am divorced from their moms, (yes two moms). Even now, the cause and effect of the divorces on my kids still drain their love banks, regardless of how many deposits I make. When you add a great distance of separation geographically to the mix, it complicates it even more.
Choosing forgiveness and not hatred, that is only accomplished by faith, seriously, I see no other pathway to forgiveness, to give it or even to ask for it, there is no other standard in the universe like the standard of Jesus, "forgive as Christ forgave you, this you must do" (see Colossians 3). True love, true faith, true hatred, and true unbelief are all rooted in the loss of innocence, ours, and that of those we take it from. Oftentimes, we justify our thievery because of our own overdrawn love banks, it is perhaps precisely why everyone believes they are innocent, perhaps this is why the Bible says, "everyone is right in his own eye..."
For me, when I was twenty-nine I came to realize I had to have God in my life, I knew I needed peace with God, twenty-six years later, I am just starting to realize the immensity of the words, "and let the peace of God rule in your hearts..." If you do, this is where innocence is re-birthed in your heart when we follow the strategic plan of God for peace ruling our hearts, we can choose hatred or innocence, these two are mutually exclusive."And let the peace of God rule in your hearts..." Colossians 3:15.
When I was a child, I had several painful experiences, even childhood traumas, one of which was when my parents divorced. Suddenly, I went from the security of a family of six to living briefly with just me and my mom, she was an absentee alcoholic who took me to live with her friend from work, my mom justified her actions accusing my dad of being abusive only to move me to share a room with a boy older than me who was indeed an abusive bully, within days of sharing a room with him he broke any toys I had destroying anything that resembled what was left of my childhood innocence.
I know now that my mom's own childhood trauma probably had something to do with her leaving my dad, my dad was not abusive, even if he was not perfect. It is incredible what a person will say about their spouse to justify their selfishness, I never knew as a child my mom was having an affair, my dad never bad mouthed her. For quite some time, I remember praying and begging God for them to reunite. During all this, my mom seized the opportunity, one sister went off to college, the other got married and moved to Calfornia, then there was my brother, he would just disappear for periods. Within a year he would leave permanently, I always trailed behind him as a child, however, from then on, I always felt like I was alone, that feeling was not irrational, I was on my own.
Within a few months, my sister came back from college, having dropped out. I am sure it was from the lack of any support from my parents even though she never would bad mouth either one of them. I often think about all the viewpoints of my older siblings during all this, when she came back, she saw I was all alone, she knew no-one was paying any attention to me. During this period, I skipped 45 days of elementary school, she is the one that figured it out, not my dad or mom. She understood the problem came up with a plan even though she was still a teenager herself. Memories start coming back sometimes, I remember my sister talking about some guy my mom was having an affair with as we drove to a pet store. (I did not realize this until many years later). That day, my sister bought me a little black kitten that became my best friend in the world. I named the kitten Benjamin Franklin after the bear on Grizzly Adams, I called her Ben.
My sister brought back a small portion of my childhood innocence that day, I will always love her for that, she has done the same thing for my children as well. In all fairness, both my sisters, neither having children, have done things like that. My other sister surprised me for my oldest son's fifth birthday giving a puppet show. I would put that performance right there with Fred Rogers, not even kidding. Childhood innocence is a precious commodity, anyone who protects it is of the highest moral character in any society, anyone who would destroy it, that person is the perpetrator of the lowest evil, add selfishness to the reason for stealing childhood innocence. I am not even kidding when I say I believe hell is justified as a place of eternal damnation.
When you are a child and your two love languages are quality time and words of affirmation, it is challenging to realize the true reasons you feel so empty all the time. The year my parents split my teacher suddenly passed away, she had a brain tumor, as crazy as it sounds, my parents never even knew, welcome to the parenting styles of the 1970s. I felt fear, I felt very empty, the only thing I had to cling to was my kitten Ben, who was my friend, she gave me back a small part of my childhood innocence. However, a couple of years later, some boys cornered her in a shed and killed her for fun, I guess they just didn't have anyone to bully that day. I only found out because she disappeared, and I heard them talking about the cat they cornered and killed, laughing all the while celebrating their derangement. I am sure these same boys 150 years early would have been doing the same thing to slave children if they had the chance, evil, just pure psychopathic evil, the reason a Just God made hell.
So why hated? Because our love banks are often purposely drained by those who should be filling them, at the very least, if they are not going to make a deposit, do not take from someone else. For me, I never believed God loved me as a child, not for a second. There were many reasons why, for instance, the opposite of love is not really hated, it is apathy, being ignored. I see it in neglected children, especially the outcast, the handicapped, the poor, the ones who are overweight, they are ignored, no one cares what they have to say, even asks how they feel. So, when the human heart is neglected, especially when it believes God is ignoring them, they find the very notion of a loving God a delusion of the elite. My own life, as a child, I thought if God loved me, why did my mom leave, my brother, disappear, why didn't he protect me from bullies or even my little black cat Ben?
By the time I was in my teenage years, that empty closed off soul became full of only one feeling I can only describe as a lonely longing, my love bank was overdrawn and account closed. No one was making deposits, after all, the reality is, even if they tried, the account was so overdrawn it never covered the emotional over-draft fees. After a while, you not only do not experience love, you begin to do the worst possible thing you can, you start to hate your life, even hating yourself. There is an interesting phenomenon that occurs during all this, you gravitate, you are pulled to people who are just like you, broken, empty, and a bond is formed, all be it, a bond of likeminded nieve fools who are on the sure path of destruction. I remember, at age thirteen, smoking my first joint, I didn't even hesitate. It wasn't that I felt secure with these boys, it was like why a person cuts themselves, just to change the negative feelings, in my situation, I just didn't want to be ignored. As a teen, I ran away all the time, would pack a backpack and go off, it is incredible nothing terrible happened. I had a secret place in the woods where I could watch our house from, my dad would never even go looking for me, I know I created those negative thoughts, my dad probably thought I was playing army.
Now for the really disturbing part of all this, my parents were saved born-again church-attending Christians. I do not for a second doubt their salvation, both are in heaven now, I do not even doubt they loved me, I know they did, what I know even more as a parent now? Their own childhood innocence was stolen away, my dad overcame, my mother did not. It wasn't until my mom had a grandchild did she change. She quit drinking because I, in no uncertain terms, informed her she would never see her grandchild if she did not stop drinking.
As a parent myself, all my greatest regrets are repeating the same stupid patterns, even though I am hailed as a good dad, and even though my kids seem well adjusted, I know they feel loved by me, the truth is, all of them had some part of their childhood innocence stolen away from them, I am divorced from their moms, (yes two moms). Even now, the cause and effect of the divorces on my kids still drain their love banks, regardless of how many deposits I make. When you add a great distance of separation geographically to the mix, it complicates it even more.
Choosing forgiveness and not hatred, that is only accomplished by faith, seriously, I see no other pathway to forgiveness, to give it or even to ask for it, there is no other standard in the universe like the standard of Jesus, "forgive as Christ forgave you, this you must do" (see Colossians 3). True love, true faith, true hatred, and true unbelief are all rooted in the loss of innocence, ours, and that of those we take it from. Oftentimes, we justify our thievery because of our own overdrawn love banks, it is perhaps precisely why everyone believes they are innocent, perhaps this is why the Bible says, "everyone is right in his own eye..."
For me, when I was twenty-nine I came to realize I had to have God in my life, I knew I needed peace with God, twenty-six years later, I am just starting to realize the immensity of the words, "and let the peace of God rule in your hearts..." If you do, this is where innocence is re-birthed in your heart when we follow the strategic plan of God for peace ruling our hearts, we can choose hatred or innocence, these two are mutually exclusive."And let the peace of God rule in your hearts..." Colossians 3:15.
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